it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
