Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize