P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
