the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
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