mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize