Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
