There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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