Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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