Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
