You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Randomize
