last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize
