Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I wear drunk well.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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