I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Randomize
