The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
