oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
