I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Sorry about my life...
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
