I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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