I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
