I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
