For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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