The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
