I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
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