their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
