we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
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Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
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DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
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