I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
