You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
