I will die if light touches me.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
