so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
