I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
