Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
