he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
