apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
