I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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