You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
