thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
