i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
