had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
