____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
She bit a glass in half.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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