Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
