____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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