this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
