You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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