"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
