do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
