i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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