So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
