I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
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