I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
