watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
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