how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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