I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
