Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
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