Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
So much rum. So many feels.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
