Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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