imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
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