I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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