is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
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