He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
