Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
