I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
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Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
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My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
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