I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
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