I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
