I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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