trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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