Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
