R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
