it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
