I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
