So drunk its hurt
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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