got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
