Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
