I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
