Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
